Tonight Dave shows up at the coffee shop as I’m closing up. He’s decided to surprise me and take me out for sushi. Afterwards as we are heading home he makes a last minute decision to turn into the Monte Vista Dairy Queen. He was in an unusually lovely mood so why not enjoy a medium chocolate cone?

He’s all smiles as he pulls up to the speaker to order his much anticipated medium chocolate cone. This is not Stanton, Kentucky. This is a whole new Dairy Queen. We will start anew.

Intercom Lady: Welcome to Dairy Queen. May I take your order?

Dave: Yes. My lovely wife would like a mini Jurassic Park Blizzard and I would like… (he slows down his speech and speaks a bit more clearly)… a MEDIUM chocolate cone. (he looks over at me and smiles).

Intercom Lady: I’m sorry, but we don’t serve chocolate ice cream in the summertime.

Dave: ***silence***

Intercom Lady: Hello?

Dave: What did you say?

Intercom Lady: We do not serve chocolate ice cream in the summer time.

At this point I’m frozen with fear. Where will this lead? Will we get banned from yet another Dairy Queen? I hiss at him to calm the f*ck down and relax…it’s not the end of the world. He glares back at me. It IS the end of the world obviously.

Dave: ***silence***

Intercom Lady: Would you like something else?

Dave is completely lost at this point. He is frantically scanning the menu. What could he possibly order that would not…could not be screwed up. He breaks into a sweat…he starts to mutter under his breath.

Intercom Lady: Are you still there?

Dave: Yeah, yeah.

Eternity Passes.

He finally orders another mini Jurassic Park Blizzard for himself.

The exchange of money and ice cream goes without incident. There are no raised voices. No ice cream being thrown back through the drive thru window this time. No cops were called. My dignity is still intact…and reluctantly so is his.

All the way home he’s mumbling about how he’s positive that every Dairy Queen has a photo of him hanging by the drive thru window and they are all out to make his life miserable. He rambles on and on…

And he still is. Sigh…